When the Dream Requires More Than You've Got ...

Don't get me wrong ... we are happy for the opportunities our homestead brings, but some days, it just feels like more than we can handle!  We have big dreams, not so well laid out plans, and children that keep us up all night!  We've been talking a lot about all of the things that we want to do, and we want those things to happen RIGHT NOW!!  However, those things take time, and quite frankly, more money and energy than we have RIGHT NOW!  

Last time I wrote, I talked about being gifted a puppy.  The puppy will be ready April 6th, but I'm not sure that we are ready for another responsibility!  The puppy is a must have, though, since we already have chickens that will be free range once the snow melts.  I'm nervous for the extra responsibility of another body to rely on us for food, help going potty (we'll be keeping the puppy in the utility room at night until big enough to be outside), and in general, just needing to be watched and trained.  Matt was really hoping to get some piglets this year, too, but is also reconsidering that! 

We are stretched beyond our limits, and I'm still not feeling awesome.  It's hard to say if there are other things going on, but I'm still detoxing from mold illness (which isn't the most fun, and does cause more symptoms until the mold is out), and next week I go in for a CT Scan, to have a nodule on my adrenal gland looked at, to see if it is growing.  I have labs, tomorrow, to see if the nodule is causing the adrenal gland to secrete excess hormone.  Last year, around this time, I had 3 CT scans, an MRI, an Echocardiogram, a Trans Esphogeal Echocardiogram, and a coratid duplex, because in the end, the doctor's decided I must have had a migraine that mimicked a stroke (I lost vision in my right eye and had brain fogginess for weeks after).  However, when they did the initial echocardiogram (due to the migraine that mimicked a mini stroke) the doctors discovered I had a Bicuspid Aortic Valve (a birth defect I never knew I had).  This puts me at a higher risk for aneurysms, so I had to have two CT Scans (one of the chest and one of the brain).  The chest scan revealed the adrenal nodule, but otherwise my heart looks good, and I just need routine Echocardiograms to keep an eye on the Aortic Valve (and my coratids are clear of plague build up ... thank God!).  The brain scan came back blurry, but it looked like Vasculitis, so I had to have the MRI, and another follow-up CT Scan.  It was months of worry and scare and I get to go through it again this year!  Turns out I don't have any aneurysms, I didn't have a stroke, I don't have vasculitis, and I don't have a brain tumor ... apparently just benign tumors everywhere else in my body.  Did I mention I also have to have a Thyroid ultrasound, to look at the nodule they discovered and biopsied six years ago (when I found out I have Hashimotos which is Autoimmune Thyroid Disease), to make sure it hasn't grown and become cancerous?!  Honestly, if you are healthy, DO NOT TAKE IT FOR GRANTED!  Being unhealthy (despite trying my best to eat healthy and exercise) is draining, time consuming, and expensive!  Not to mention utterly heartbreaking, traumatic, and often unbearable!

Anyway, all that to say, we are in a hurry to have animals and do all the homesteading things, but our bodies are just worn out!  I hope to have exciting updates, and hopefully good news, on all of my procedures, next time I write.  Although heavy, sometimes I just need to get out what's been on my heart and mind.  Homesteading can be fun, but it is a lot of hard work too, and with all of the other things we've had to deal with, that ultimately lead us to homestead, it is tiring.

Until next time ... I'll leave you with a few photos from the day our foundation was laid.